Bring on the Men!

A strange thing has happened.
For the first time in eight years, I am completely single.
No boyfriend, no guy that I'm seeing, no one on the side, no one waiting in the wings.

Everyone keeps saying "Oh that's great! You need a break! You need to be single!..etc..."
I know, thank you. I feel the same way. But it's sort of like quitting smoking in that it has just become a (bad) habit, it's what I do. So it's slightly fear-inducing when I realize that habit is gone...cold turkey and completely beyond my control.

So I could sit here and mope, I could listen to "The Last Five Years" soundtrack and cry silently into my no-bake cookies, I could even do my empowering "Defying Gravity" shower solo, but where's the fun in that? So here we go- my Hall of Fame/Shame:

If I wrote it out, it would go something like this:
PatrickNickPatrickGrantNickKevinNickPatrick
JoshPatrickJoshCaseyCoffeyPatrickRyanGrant
KevinGabrielMarkShawn
(I know that's not everyone, but I thought I'd just hit the highlights/anyone who lasted longer than 3 dates. Sorry Frazz. )

Just the sight of that makes me giggle. Oh but why stop there? Let's add some pictures (the most unflattering ones I can find) and some hard learned lessons.

Patrick
(He's the one on the left. I had to dig and dig to find a picture of him and this is the only one I could come up with. :-) Perfect!)

Patrick was my first kiss/love/camp boyfriend who just wouldn't go away. He taught me how to be outgoing and how to love life. He also taught me why sometimes people should break up and stay broken up, and why I will never let my 15 year old daughter date a 19 year old. I'll spare her that heartache and the awkward "I love you" drunk dials.
Current status: Married and has a kid.

Nick
Nick was another on again off again boy in high school. Another camp boy, this one happened to be the youth minister's son which made it all the more scandalous when we made out on mission trips. I acquired the nickname "Stretch" on our first mission trip, and I don't think I've ever heard him use my real name since.
Nick taught me that a lot of jerks reside in Lawrence and that you should make sure you know who you're talking to on the phone, lest you accidentally make a date with your youth minister.
Current status: Married and living in Lawrence (and in a year here, I've only once awkwardly ran in to his wife...*whew*)

Grant
Another guy another scandal, Grant and I caused a ruckus on Valentine's Day. Kat had a crush on him, and I dated him despite the fact (I'm still sorry about that). Grant taught me how to drink too much, why I shouldn't pick up my phone after 2am (unless Pancake wants to hear crying) and that sometimes when you wake up on the floor of a house in Smithville, it really is just a big yellow dog licking your face.
Current status:Denver?

Kevin
It all started with girls crying in the bathroom at a church camp dance because he and I were swapping spit on the dance floor. Classy, I know. Kevin taught me the fun and difficulty of dating someone prettier than you-plenty of time spent looking in the mirror (You probably think this blog entry is about you...don't you?).

It's a fun thing when two actors get together- dramatic scenes get acted out. If I remember correctly the last one involved Camus, crying and a longing look over his shoulder as he walked out the door.
Current status: Acting in New York

Josh
Big lesson learned here: If it didn't work when he dated your good friend, and you didn't like the way he treated her...it's not going to work with you. But hey, the BBQ/artichokes were awesome.

Also, a lesson I obviously didn't learn this time: Long distance relationships suck.
Current status: Hanging out in Kansas City


Casey Coffey
Lesson learned: If a cute guy from Edmond Oklahoma falls asleep next to you on a flight from OKC to STL, go ahead and date him. He'll also provide you with tickets to see Ron Jeremy debate a feminist, a date to Delta Queen and a very awkward situation watching the KSU v. OU Big 12 Championship game. Date someone who thinks you're a bit weird, "Donnie Darko" will never be the same.
Current status: On the beach in Florida...so jealous!

Ryan (aka RP)
(He looks thrilled in this picture because I'm dressed up as his ex-girlfriend for Halloween)
Ryan was my escape from the sorority house, my spicy chicken sandwich, and coming in at just over 2 years, the longest relationship I ever had. We're psychic ear buddies and apparently knew each other in a past life.
Ryan taught me magic tricks (at 3 am), film editing and that it is possible to be friends with someone after you've broken up.
Current status: Acting in Hollywood

Gabriel
Gabriel, Gabriel, Gabriel...after high school crushes and a year of platonic dates, we finally tried to give a relationship a go. We endured long distance, power outages and an existential crisis or two. Gabriel taught me compassion, and that even if you think you're weird or a nerd about something, there is always someone out there who will love you in spite of (or for) it.
Current status: He's off to Japan to teach English and fall in love with a harajuku girl. Gambate! ;-)

Mark
(I'm hesitant to write anything here, lest I get a facebook message telling me to take it down ;-) )
Perhaps its too early to tell the full scope of what I learned from our time together, but my experience with Mark taught me to drink red wine, to really love and enjoy the family of the person I'm with and most importantly not to go into a relationship running on fumes. Oh and it is nice to have something to come home to, even if it is just a hamster.
Current status: I'm sure he's riding his bike and drinking excessive amounts of coffee somewhere in Springfield.

Shawn
The most recent and slightly accidental addition to the list is Shawn. He reminded me how to laugh and how to have fun again. He also taught me how to make sock puppets. I learned that the consequences of honesty, while not always instantaneously desirable, are probably better in the long run. And now, I'm learning how to walk away. Maybe the next time I'll learn to keep my mouth shut and my dignity intact. ;-)
Current status: Making his way to Chicago to do improv. Watch for this one on SNL in a few years...

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the last eight years of my life.
Having typed that all out, I realize just how much I do need a break.
I never thought being single would be such a relief.